Things I would tweet if I actually used Twitter

I made it a point over a few days to write down some things I would have tweeted if I used Twitter, and now I'm considering starting using it again - although possibly that's just a really poor idea, because it would just make me sound really crazy, and also because I don't really know anyone who uses twitter and no one would ever read my crazy/genious statements


Second most read article on jp.dk right now “Man caught having sex with pony.”

Did you know Denmark is the only country in the world in which it is (still?) legal to have sex with animals?

Sometimes a word document asks me if I want to save my changes when I don’t remember making any changes. This makes me suspicious. Like there are tiny unicorns making changes in my documents when I’m not watching.

Somewhere, someone is having a lot of fun kicking me off the internet every 5 minutes. This is making me want to punch something. Or someone.

I really need to get a haircut. Why I am too cheap to spend 50$ on a haircut? Who wants to trim my hair for me?

The only times I wish I wasn’t pregnant: when shopping or daydreaming about cute summer outfits. And: sitting in the backyard in the sun, grilling, and everyone around me opens an ice-cold beer.

I like Cookies.

Seriously, the boy opened a beer nearby me the other day, and never has a Slotspilsner ever smelled so good.

Am I crazy? I can’t even keep plants alive. Poor Little Dude.

That’s a lie. I’ve kept a cactus alive now for 3 months. I kept a little tree/love fern alive for longer than that (it’s name was Benji – like Benjamin from “How to lose a guy in 10 days)
Cookies for you if you understand the reference.

The cats ate the love fern though, so I feel like I can only take partial blame for that one. Although, what kind of mother would I be if I let the cats eat my baby?

The cats also ate my betta fish – Sebastian.

His replacement was named Joebama Flacco – because he was purple (like the Ravens) and the Ravens were in the playoffs. And because I got him on inauguration day in 2009.

The cactus has been named Svenning. Like the news reporter on TV2 – he reported from the earthquake in Japan (Svenning Dalgaard).

“Apparently Obama’s birth certificate was bin Ladins last horcrux” – Gotta love a Harry Potter reference.

Boy put down veto on the name Svenning for a baby though, so I used it for the cactus. HAHA!

 
Good thing we don't own cats.