I like to think that I don't have alot of the stereotypical "girly" traits. I've never been one to wear excessive makeup, dress exclusively in pink, glitter, and dresses, just as I've always tried to distance myself from drama and gossip. As kids, we played with barbies, legos, dressup, kitchens, and animals.
I am also a firm believer that many gender stereotypes are taught - they are socially learned. We'll never know just how much is social and how much biology - but in my mind, alot of emphasis is on the environment.
So I've always known that I would raise my own girls to be independent and smart. To teach them that "they can do anything boys can do." For some reason, I've never thought about how to raise boys - but of course, boys bring challenges of their very own! Boys "can do anything girls can do" (except maybe bear children and breastfeed...).
But why do we insist on gendering children before they are even born? We've been so excited to find out the sex of our baby - it makes name picking and equipment shopping a whole lot easier. But why, really? I don't plan on having a baby blue nursery (in fact, we won't even have a real nursery). I don't plan on dressing our boy in exclusively blue and green. I hope that we can avoid an excessive theme of cars, tractors, and tools.
When I told my boyfriend this, he kind of rolled my eyes at me. I think he understoon my point, but a man probably always wants his "little boy to grow into a real man". But why should we be shoving monstertrucks and toolkits in our childs face? Won't he grow up to be a real man without airplanes and tractors? And what is, in fact, a real man?
Isn't a real man someone who has respect for other people (men and women and children)? Who works hard, loves his family, and fights for his passions?
And if so, what is the real difference between a real man and a real woman?
Now C, the difference between a man and a woman is a man has a penis and a girl has a vagina. As for the avoiding excessive theme of cars, tractors and tools, good luck! I remember growing up I had a lot of cars, tools, trucks, and planes (also, a ton of legos!)On the other hand though, I can understand what you are talking about. I know when the day we have a kid comes, I want to raise it to enjoy reading and learning as much as it enjoys playing with toys. In order for the kid to grow up into a real man/woman, it can't be all trucks or dolls. I think the key is a little balance - sure I am sure your little dude will have some trucks and cars and what not, but I am sure y'all will also balance that out with other things.
ReplyDeleteI knew someone would make a body-part comment, and figures it would be you..! =)
ReplyDeleteAs for everything else, I agree, everything in moderation. Plus, it's not like I would ever say no to him if (when he is old enough to express his wishes/preferences/demands) he wants to play with lots of cars and trucks... or if he wants to play with barbies etc. I just don't want to shove one specific stereotype down his throat from the very beginning.
I think I'm going to try going for an 'animal theme' instead of cars and other sterotypical boy things.
You should have done this:
ReplyDeletehttp://kottke.org/11/04/gender-cake-parties
Cari - oh dear! I saw that on Good morning America with the Duggar family once and it made me feel a little sick. I liked finding out first on my own and then being able to share it with others...
ReplyDeleteI do like cake though, so maybe I'm the one missing out....