Memories

I couldn't sleep last night, and so I got to thinking... about all the normal housewife things - the laundry (my neverending project), grocery shopping, thesis writing....

And last but not least, my mind was circulating around another event. Just a few days ago, you see, I recieved a facebook invitation for our 10 year primary school reunion. It is still hard to believe it's been almost 10 years since we left 'folkeren.' It's not a time that I think about very often... I've moved on, lots of stuff has happened since then - and I'm sure most of my old classmates feel the same way. I am looking forward to attending the reunion... kind of.

You see, I read once that when we go to reunions, we tend to fall straight back into the roles we once had... the nerd, the jock, the valedictorian... etc, you name it. And it scares me, that now, 10 years later, I may go to Sønderborg to go to a party, and fall straight back into those old patterns that no longer exemplify who I am. I am scared that those people, who I once spent day out and day in with, will think that I am the same as I once was....

Will they see, and accept, that I've changed? That I am no longer that same scared little 14-year old girl, desperately longing to be accepted, to be liked and included? The one who hid behind a computer screen during recess because she would rather not try at all, than to be rejected. Again. Will they see that I am funny and smart and miles more confident than I once was.... but that I am still not perfect, I am still flawed and sometimes scared? That I am a mother, a girlfriend, a scholar..... and so much more.

Is it odd that I feel some sort of need to 'prove myself' to them?

And will I be open to accepting that they have changed as well? I hope that I will be able to forgive and forget their past flaws as well... and realize that they have grown up, just like I have. That they are unique individuals...fathers, mothers, partners, scholars, workers, and adults.

And I wonder... if any of them might feel the very same way.